Someone wise once observed, “Darkness is the chair upon which light sits.” "The dark night of the soul" seems intolerable and endless, yet the only way to emerge into the light of a new dawn is to first experience the night.
We all experience sadness, emptiness, grief, loss, depression, despair, shame, and fear at some point in our life. If not embraced and processed, any impending dark emotion can threaten our mental and emotional safety. These emotions, if left unacknowledged, are powerful enough to change our chemistry.
Trauma and pleasure: There's so much unresolved trauma and bitterness stored in some people that it hurts them all the time and they take pleasure in either watching people in pain or inflicting pain on others. It energizes them.
Trauma and dark energies: Residual trauma weakens the faith. In such a condition extreme emotions of grief, fear, anxiety, and depression, and feelings of anger, envy, and jealousy act as magnets for dark energies; offering them to take control of our minds and bodies.
Not knowing how to deal with the enormity of our painful emotions, we instinctively avoid facing and embracing them. Rather than exploring them, we frequently suppress, recycle, and lock them away as they emerge. It's a primal response to imminent danger, rooted in our "fight or flight" instinct. When faced with an invisible enemy, the act of fleeing often seems like the only viable option.
Denying unpleasant emotions only increases our psychological distress, inflexibility, anxiety, and depression, diminishing our well-being.
"Research suggests that when we turn toward our cravings, we are less likely to engage in addictive behaviors; when we turn toward our physical pain, we are less likely to be trapped in cycles of chronic pain; when we turn toward our sadness, we are less likely to be stuck in depression; and when we turn toward our anxiety, we are less likely to be paralyzed by it and can find it easier to bear.
Learning to embrace dark emotions brought not only a significant reduction in my anxiety, but an ability to experience the joys of life more fully and a growing trust in my ability to handle life’s challenges. As a therapist, I have also seen tremendous healing with my patients as they have learned to embrace their difficult emotions.
If we want to live more fully and be our most authentic selves, we need to turn towards our pain, not try to suppress it." - Beth Kurland
All our emotions are the universe's vast color palette. The more we immerse ourselves in all of these colours, even the dark ones, the more whole we become.
Psychotherapist Miriam Greenspan believes that instead of being an obstacle to a rich and rewarding life, painful emotions can be seedbeds for gratitude, faith, and joy when nourished properly.
Effective Ways and Tools to Cope with Emotional Pain (without Food, Alcohol or Shopping)
- Praying - Turning towards the Creator and prayer through prayer and practicing gratitude.
- Connecting with people or groups who are going through (or have gone through) trauma similar to yours.
- Try learning mindfulness and grounding exercises, requesting support from friends, and labeling your emotions.
- Holistic healing methods like yoga and meditation, and techniques like NLP and hypnotism.
- Moving your body - Moving when you are feeling down can give you energy and life your spirits. Any type of movement is good, like going out for a walk, standing up and stretching, working out, or going out for a bicycle ride.
- Crying - Don't fight back the tears. Let go of them.
- Don't ruminate. What happened has happened. Just accept it.
- Adopt a new hobby or indulge yourself in an activity like painting, playing a musical instrument, or writing poetry - anything that may help letting your emotions out.
- Start keeping a journal.
- Psychiatric help - If self-care doesn't help and you can't get a grasp on your pain, or the trauma and emotional pain is long-term, seek professional help. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
To wrap up, emotional trauma is like your soul being in the purgatory and your body in the physical world. You feel like suspended in time. Those who haven't gone through loss and trauma may be able to relate to it after reading this blog/story.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. – Plato
PS: The 2014 Australian film, "The Babadook", revolves around unresolved trauma and depression, and addressing that trauma. It's a beautiful film. I'd recommend you watch it. Read the review of the film, here.
